I live in a world.

I live in a world where robbing individuals of their innocence and space is not a crime.

I live in a world where an entire country gets wiped off the map because of war and it is fine.

I live in a world where liars get applauded on stage; trials get ruled by money not by content.

I live in a world where your house, car and travels provide you a social status; not your individuality or rigour.

I live in a world where non scholar videos and articles feed your brain not books or research.

I live in a world where honesty, trust and love are fashionable in text not for real.

I live in a world where no one has patience to chase truth through the path less travelled and known.

I live in a world where propagandas are massive and issues are huge.

I live in a world where I, like millions, no longer know what living means anymore.

Investing in the ‘you’.

A lot of issues float around because someone doesn’t understand you and it often leaves this feeling of strange pain and fear. Completely resulting out of sheer lack of not being understood. I guess the primary question that is to be asked is why would anyone invest in understanding you? The almost immediate answer is that in fact, no one should ever invest in understanding you except you, yourself. The main job and the only job in life bestowed upon each soul is to understand their own selves. The stronger the bond of the self, the radiant the self will be and thus the lesser the need to be understood by another body other than you. We are all taught to care, to share and to do good but I guess the primary receivers of this exact share, care and goodness are we first before anyone else. Imagine not being in love with your own self, what will you teach the world about love and more importantly, how will you show that love honestly to anyone? Hence, the basic act and practice starts with the first face that you see in the mirror when you stand in front of it each day. It’s you. And therefore, invest in you for that’s the best investment that you would ever do in a life.

Facing the fear.

There was a time when I thought and wished if all problems disappeared somehow without me having to deal with any of them. There was also a time when I felt that running away from everyone and everything that was unpleasant, challenged me and made me feel like an idiot was the way forward in life. In the process of running away and turning my back at everything that wasn’t in sync with me, I found myself in a big dark patch of life. In a patch where nothing could touch me but everything felt nice momentarily. Also, in that patch, I no longer knew who I was and where I wanted to go.

Like when things work in moments, the art of collecting those moments to make a life is when living and knowledge play a crucial role but if I have been keeping myself away from all criticisms and shielding myself from the negatives, then what knowledge would I have gathered? None, I believe. Hence, I never knew how to turn moments into life because by and large, while I ran very hard from everything that bothered me momentarily, I also found places to hide momentarily. Neither the run led me to a destination and nor did I know what the journey I was on.

Then one fine day, my tired senses retaliated. I had nothing left in me but the desires to just be. That’s when I took the biggest test of all. I had to face my fears and there was no way out. Every single thing that I felt was unpleasant, I had to reason it out as to why and amicably detach. In the process, I realised hardly anything was and is unpleasant. It’s just the state of mind that I was in at the time of dealing with that person or the thing. The more negative I was on the inside, the more bitter my circumstances were on the outside. The more expectations I had on the inside, the harder no-treats zone I bumped into on the outside. The more I thought I could sail through easily; the vastness of the water made it awkward with the massive winds.

I paused and wondered.

In the process to just be, one of the key component was to know that the option to run away doesn’t exist. The way forward is to face the fears, nurture the pain, embrace the learnings and move ahead in strength.

Running is always easy. Ignoring is even cooler. But if one has to embrace knowledge than both running and ignoring need to be embedded in the knowledge of ethos not just based on feelings related to the state of mind.

Healing.

Healing is a class act. Wounds do heal and along with those the cracks that appear in the process of becoming to unbecoming or vice-versa, heal as well. It is the healing of these cracks that leave one feeling connected, human and in love with the self.

The occurrence of every would is not external and the impact of every inner, well thought, decision can be damaging. Hence, healing your own self from your own little damages along with the external wounds is perhaps what can be passed on as ‘living’.

In a world where we are deeply encouraged to connect, to share and to talk about our opinions, healing somewhere sides in with silence. The silence of your being, not wanting to prove or to disprove, the silence of words which perhaps mean a lot or don’t and the silence of thoughts with either resonate or don’t, hold the power to heal the cracks within you that have resulted because of you.

Hence, I feel, the only class act that one can engage is in healing. Although brokenness has its own charm and beauty, a healed one holds that beauty with strength and grace.

To the world that’s moving so fast..

.. I have something to say that might be a bit harsh

I want to say that ‘power’ is a made up word; blinds the eyes of a blood seeking sword

I want to tell you that humans were and are bundles of will

To say I am right and he is wrong is then just a cheap, transient thrill

I can thrive at your loss and survive at the fittest game

While loosing the essence of the self it can and never will be the same

We started off stark naked, we would leave the same way

To then build empires with portraits, let me ask, is it worth the materialistic gain?

If I were to build and if I were to rescue

Couldn’t I have done a better job by just letting you be you?

I trust the heart that beats and pumps the blood

Mine is red, I know yours is too

If I am, then are you, and many a times, I am because of you

My redness hasn’t decreased in time, I am sure yours too has followed the same gene pool and blood line

So why do I have to prove or disprove my being to you? I exist and so do you.

Since when has power backed by money come to decide that I lead and you follow?

I don’t deny that I did collect a bit more than I could swallow

The rest I spent on building bridges, buying materials and making weapons,

For, I wanted to protect my self from my own breed of men

Why do I need protection? Did I ever ask?

If I were to let you love me and love you back, would we still break our faith and trust?

While I did this, you did that,

Who am I to judge your perceived notion of fact?

What I was born with, you too were,

All we ever had was an entire universe

The sun’s never changed it’s course for you or me,

It’s always been further out and never in our vicinity

We drew it close because we had the same needs

The desires overtook and it became a fallacy!

When do I or you then blame the sun for our miseries?

I have my share of the daily bread, work on keeping me alive

Why would I judge you for you too can have an identical stride

I can and so can you,

So then, where is the manmade power holding us through?

I don’t want to lead you and neither do I want to follow

I want to be me and I want you to be you.

You, the life

That awkward sensation of a touch, 

that feeling of being loved, 

that moment when your world collapsed, 

the burden of being lied; 

that process of breathing that you had to re-learn, 

that accountability that you had to burn, 

the roads that you had to stare, 

that journey which was fruitlessly despair; 

the sentence that broke your soul, 

the gifts that burned your clothes, 

that freedom that even you envisage, 

that glory that you would rather cultivate; 

the nation that you have always loved, 

the books that you have covered up; 

the writings that you have torn into pieces, 

the knowledge that you reuse to cliche; 

that body of yours, when it was criticised, 

that moment when your associations failed to divine; 

the dilemma that you breathe in, we all do; 

you’re the mother, the carrier of life, 

undeniably broken yet forgivingly new. 
..

The not ‘beautiful’ talk. 

Ugly said she is disliked,

For who she is, for what she is.

For years that Ugly has been, 

It has been a long lost battle and she no longer feels she can win. 

‘People judge me, they do that all the time. 

Insensitivities cover me from all sides, all the while’. 

I have tried to be and I have tried to breathe freely,

But they keep repeating that ‘I am not pretty’. 

I am Ugly and I should just be. 

I can’t let people see my inner beauty.

I can’t explain to the world, in and beyond the moon, that being Ugly is the most beautiful phenomenon. 

I walk in the dark so the light could be, 

I gather the dust while the beauty in me breathes. 

I pass through the skin, I pass through the bones, I pass through the thoughts and the states, even when it’s unknown. 

I never touch the soul, in fact, she’s my only place of solace and confinement. 

The soul tells me ‘Ugly, you are beyond resentment. Just because people fail to see me, their souls, Ugly, you’ll remain confined to the bones’.