I live in a world.

I live in a world where robbing individuals of their innocence and space is not a crime.

I live in a world where an entire country gets wiped off the map because of war and it is fine.

I live in a world where liars get applauded on stage; trials get ruled by money not by content.

I live in a world where your house, car and travels provide you a social status; not your individuality or rigour.

I live in a world where non scholar videos and articles feed your brain not books or research.

I live in a world where honesty, trust and love are fashionable in text not for real.

I live in a world where no one has patience to chase truth through the path less travelled and known.

I live in a world where propagandas are massive and issues are huge.

I live in a world where I, like millions, no longer know what living means anymore.

Investing in the ‘you’.

A lot of issues float around because someone doesn’t understand you and it often leaves this feeling of strange pain and fear. Completely resulting out of sheer lack of not being understood. I guess the primary question that is to be asked is why would anyone invest in understanding you? The almost immediate answer is that in fact, no one should ever invest in understanding you except you, yourself. The main job and the only job in life bestowed upon each soul is to understand their own selves. The stronger the bond of the self, the radiant the self will be and thus the lesser the need to be understood by another body other than you. We are all taught to care, to share and to do good but I guess the primary receivers of this exact share, care and goodness are we first before anyone else. Imagine not being in love with your own self, what will you teach the world about love and more importantly, how will you show that love honestly to anyone? Hence, the basic act and practice starts with the first face that you see in the mirror when you stand in front of it each day. It’s you. And therefore, invest in you for that’s the best investment that you would ever do in a life.

Go-to films.

I don’t remember who and how I got introduced to the world of Kore-eda. To the world of Hirokazu Kore-eda. And that added a dimension to my life that I never knew existed.

The very first film of his that I watched was Nobody Knows followed by Air Doll. Air Doll left such a long lasting imprint on my heart that I kept going back to it over the years. I found Nobody Knows hauntingly beautiful and eerie. I have never gone back to watch it but I have thought of it over and over again that I have lost my way through my own thoughts.

Still walking and like father, like son, flowed in and I could see myself in the web that Kore-eda created for little, important human emotions, relationships and existence. Something was beautifully crafted out of those little ‘not to be told secrets’ or those ‘we don’t talk about these’ sentences. The stories had their own unique space but his narrative lingered on for days, months and years.

Kore-eda’s films, till date, are my go-to films; of course I need subtitles to understand them but beyond a point I think his work blends in with the need of the hour too .. where we need to acknowledge these little emotions that made us humans to start with.

What if ..

If you think of yourself as a railway station or an airport; then all the planes, trains become the thoughts that come and go. Some stay longer than others. Some break down on your platforms and some need that extra time to clear your tracks. But they all eventually go and pass. Just as time and thoughts in a human.

The toughest bit is to be that station or that airport day after day, night after night, year after year. Maintaining that infrastructure, letting people and circumstances work on you, expanding and shrinking, perhaps at the same time. Having engineers repair your base, having someone put more bricks on you or even having someone to colour your walls for you can be daunting and exhausting for long.

If the mindfulness remains that you are not to convert yourself into one of your own passengers or into one of your own carriers, then whoever jumps on whatever vessel, is exactly like watching the world go by in its thoughts and battles without you being a part of the circus.

Most of the times, the loss of this mindful living is lost and the tendency to jump on that train in a search towards that destination is way too tempting than just to watch it go by.. And what does it bring? The destination still remains a far fetched dream and the journey becomes complicated without a reason or a cause.

Hence, to watch the world go by and being that station or that airport or that platform to let things be in the lap of time is a way into peace.

Healing.

Healing is a class act. Wounds do heal and along with those the cracks that appear in the process of becoming to unbecoming or vice-versa, heal as well. It is the healing of these cracks that leave one feeling connected, human and in love with the self.

The occurrence of every would is not external and the impact of every inner, well thought, decision can be damaging. Hence, healing your own self from your own little damages along with the external wounds is perhaps what can be passed on as ‘living’.

In a world where we are deeply encouraged to connect, to share and to talk about our opinions, healing somewhere sides in with silence. The silence of your being, not wanting to prove or to disprove, the silence of words which perhaps mean a lot or don’t and the silence of thoughts with either resonate or don’t, hold the power to heal the cracks within you that have resulted because of you.

Hence, I feel, the only class act that one can engage is in healing. Although brokenness has its own charm and beauty, a healed one holds that beauty with strength and grace.

Mother or no?

It’s natural. To have a child. To reproduce. Humans making humans. There isn’t anything abnormal in this. Institutions such as marriage, relationship status’s, emotions such as love and all others walk in, surround and play their respective roles in making another human but it’s all so very natural. It is even said that birthing, the process itself take you deeper into your essence than any that you have ever been exposed to.

What is this intense and obsessive need associated with making another human? Perhaps it’s a wrong question to ask. Maybe it’s not need, it’s a desire. The strength of this desire might vary from human to human, circumstances to circumstances, bedroom to bedroom but the honesty that governs this desire never dies.

The questioning of capabilities, the doubts on status’s and the breaking of rule books often leads one to ask one fundamental question – do you want to feel what it means to be a mother at all?

The set of responsibilities, the changing paradigms of self, the fine threads of bonds that you seldom took notice of, everything perhaps changes meanings and hands once you become a mother. Hence, even more crucial than the desire is to know what you feel from your core?

Time and again people have expressed sadness over not being able to be parents, expressed great determination and passion for choosing not to have a child; probably each one of them is right and holds a validity in their own space and time. The bigger question that goes unmasked is this, isn’t it the feeling that runs all these desires that we put on the front and choose not to answer?

When you do get fo the space of answering a question as blunt as this, why don’t you feel like having a child? Or why do you feel like having a child? The answers would themselves find their anchors in your life. Perhaps then you wouldn’t want to even talk about this because healing from the brokenness that’s within, is hard to hold and to pretend.

Defying the natural laws, compromises and adjustments, we all more or less know what they mean. What we need to go back to is to feel what it makes us feel. To be a mother doesn’t necessarily equate to being related to someone in blood; to be a mother perhaps means to be responsible to who you are in your feelings when the odds are low.

The urge.

I have often read people saying how honest they are, how truthful they are and how non materialistic they are and how they are not a part of this largely ungrateful and manipulative world. I have wondered, having read them, that how do they survive?

The constant urge that they have to shout from the rooftops and from their respective balcony’s, to emphasise on how much different they are as opposed to the world that they breathe in, appals me many a times.

If you feel you are different, then chances are that you are probably right in feeling the way you feel but the urge to shout it out, to let the world know, then just becomes a lot baseless and pointless. Simply because, you probably are feeling different given the conditions of the world that you are a part of. So who do you shout out and put your thoughts out to?

Let’s assume that you do want to let the world know that you are really different; first thought is why? Why should the world care? And lastly, even if the world did care, what is it that you are trying to achieve by letting it know that you are different than everyone else that are in it?

Am I then saying that urges need to be controlled? Perhaps not. I am potentially saying that even if there’s an urge, the responsible act should be to find out the why behind the urge rather than unleashing it out in the open for you never know, in a world of bots and humans, if bots win, you might just have yourself classified into a category that you wouldn’t have thought of with all your life.