Investing in the ‘you’.

A lot of issues float around because someone doesn’t understand you and it often leaves this feeling of strange pain and fear. Completely resulting out of sheer lack of not being understood. I guess the primary question that is to be asked is why would anyone invest in understanding you? The almost immediate answer is that in fact, no one should ever invest in understanding you except you, yourself. The main job and the only job in life bestowed upon each soul is to understand their own selves. The stronger the bond of the self, the radiant the self will be and thus the lesser the need to be understood by another body other than you. We are all taught to care, to share and to do good but I guess the primary receivers of this exact share, care and goodness are we first before anyone else. Imagine not being in love with your own self, what will you teach the world about love and more importantly, how will you show that love honestly to anyone? Hence, the basic act and practice starts with the first face that you see in the mirror when you stand in front of it each day. It’s you. And therefore, invest in you for that’s the best investment that you would ever do in a life.

Letter 1.

Dear life,

You seem familiar but do I know you? I live in you or maybe you live in me; howsoever true the nature’s be. Of fleeting thoughts and the composed theories. Life, you are still a mystery.

Remember the times when I have run into you? The days when I have cried relentlessly. The nights that wouldn’t turn into days and the days that would burn the eyes.

You said that I could touch the sky. I believed that I could. Somewhere I forgot to ask the belief on why I should? From heartbreaks to rationalisation, bridging to separation; you have seen it as I have lived it.

If I were to ask you, what more there is to you would you care to reply or would you smile and glide the question into our known void?

Yours T.

What connects?

A lot many times I have held a gift in my hands; touched it, felt it and possibly drowned myself in the memories that surround it. The person behind the gift took the chair of prominence in my minds eye and I have let my thoughts deepen the relationship between.

I often find it misleading to think that materials are useless; it’s the thought that counts and matters. I feel it’s the journey into thoughts that is led by the materials that matters the most.

It is often heard that thoughts become things but it is rarely heard that things when gifted or bought or sold, connect and build stories. Sometimes powerful stories of love, of friendship and of trust. At times earning all your love and respect and at times channeling all the negative emotions and forcing them out of you.

Either way, the art of gifting or buying or selling, things; paves the way into connecting individuals onto a journey where they share each other’s stories, become part of it, learn and at times unlearn but grow through it all, for sure.

Love fiercely. Hug tightly.

Most part of my life, I have been a mess. Not that I have done something deliberately to get over the mess apart from complaining and blaming; I have just enjoyed that messy space 😊 In one such space, I met A. He hugged me. He hugged me tight and said ‘this hug should last at least 20 seconds, that’s a rule from now on’. I realised that after 5 seconds or so, I knew that here’s this one individual who cares. I realised that holding someone physically close is easy but making them feel that they belong to you and that you care for them, sits in a complete different dimension. It’s this strange game of energies that you transmit and receive, in that close proximity that changes every set variables of the equations that you hold together. When that sense of belonging settles in, a deep realisation succeeds; you are not the body that has been held together by another; you are connected to the other in soul. This world seldom lets you open up the doors that focus on your vulnerabilities but then it wraps you up with a need to belong. The dichotomy then settles in for a trembling space where ‘not knowing’ is honoured over ‘being torn apart’ 😊 Imagine this, if you hugged only the ones that did matter to you and hugged them with love, wouldn’t it be the pain then that would precede all the facets of your being, that you would no longer want to hide?!? ❤️

So, I say, love fiercely and make that hug worthy; because you never know, that just might be the last hug 🤗 that you would have shared.

It’s all so very confusing.

I’ve been thinking 🤔 and I’m confused but then I do want to write out my confusion too 😆 Who knows! Perhaps by writing it out, I might just make some sense of it myself ..

When the *Me Too* campaign hit the web, I first woke thinking, is this really happening?! After a while, when the dust settled, I sat down with my cup of coffee and realised that in all these past years that I have been a part of this world, I haven’t heard of a single individual who hasn’t been a victim of abuse. Here, I am referring to abuse in every sense. Not just sexual. Men are abused; Women are abused; Children are abused. Most of the abuses happen in house. The list of fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters is not an exclusive list but clearly it is an exhaustive one by its very nature. Then joining them are family friends and other extended relatives of the family. And of course then we have strangers, friends, colleagues and just people of the society.

Why am I abused?! Is perhaps not the right question to ask. What are you leaving me with by doing this?! Is perhaps a slightly better version of it. More often than not, the answer to the latter one is unknown to the doer and the receiver is left in void for life.

A large portion of human life goes away in not knowing who you are, who do you belong to and what you are. A large portion of this very life goes unacknowledged. The deeper the sense of insecurity to who I am, the higher are the chances of masks and facades to be that someone who I think I am. A complete lack of validation of the ‘you’ that everyone refers to, beyond your own cognitions then leads you to make another believe that it is this ‘you’ that is powerful, it is this ‘you’ that is lovable, it is this ‘you’ that is humble and kind and it is this ‘you’ who can do whatever ‘you’ want.

On reflection, perhaps, the pain and hurt that resides in you, is what you wish to put out there in someone else who is not ‘you’. To make them feel what you feel unknowingly. To make them bow down to your ego that resides in a higher plane than theirs in you. Because think of it, if you are really happy, in a space where you belong to you, you wouldn’t need to force anyone for anything. Rather, you wouldn’t even want to bother with people in any space whatsoever.

Hence, I think, the next time something goes a miss and I want to scream my heart out and tell off someone, I would pause and reflect .. What I am telling the other, is perhaps what I need to hear. What I am about to do to others, is perhaps what I need to do to my own self. What I need others to be to me, is perhaps what I need to be to me.

My guess is that this pause might just help me and keep me safe from getting in that ‘abusive space’ ❤️

Friends and beyond 

Could life be any different? I asked myself 

Tales of sleepish eyes and broken veins 

Choked up emotions, unbattling thoughts

You and I have been friends for way too long! 

In the dearth of options, in opinions galore 

If my thoughts have hugged me, they have held you close 

With each sun set and tide rise; even though I didn’t ask, I did grow wise 

I value and cherish the times that we had sliced 

Am glad ours shall always remain unprecedented and not worldly priced. 

Judges hat 

I tend to wear one and so does my friend

Each time we sit together to unwind and de-trend 

We invariably pick a movie, Bengali, in language, by nature 

Although, none of us are able to identify ourselves with the on screen gestures 

But we stick to it till the very end, I think it has all to do with the on screen romances and green pastures 

It doesn’t start until we are in the middle of the film

Suddenly one of us utters the word ‘disgusting’ 

Did you use that for the film or the story?!

None! It was for the bad guy chasing and harrasing the girl in complete glory

I wonder how filmmakers think of even putting in such scenes!

I guess they want to be real and clean 

Yes, I know. Life isn’t that fairy tale that we all read and our minds swallow 

I guess it’s also the directors own judgement of the characters and story situations that follow 

I think and then she thinks and we invariably end up thinking together 

Though we differ, we still happily admire 

We even pick up instances from our own lives to match the ones on screen 

We rip films apart and single out each scene 

By the time the film ends, we are completely exhausted 

We would have judged the director, his sensibilities, stances and even his choice of actors, actresses 

Hours later, when the film lingers somewhere; we sit with coffee mugs to judge some more and separate facts that do matter 

Friendship as they say is based on a deep inner connection; we say it’s based on judgements of characters that cross path at several on screen junctions.