Something that I had heard ..

I’m pretty sure I heard this story from my most favourite monk, Ajahn Brahm at some point in life but I can’t really give you a reference in form of a link or his book or talk .. but I want to write something that draws on from what he had said ..

He said (as far as I remember) that once someone called someone a dog.. The person got very angry and felt really insulted and wanted to take revenge .. that how can this random person call me a dog ..

The very next minute, a strange realisation set in and he sat down to look at himself .. He didn’t have a tail, neither did he bark, didn’t even have 4 legs .. He wasn’t a dog, he was a human. So he started laughing and realised that it is not his problem or that he doesn’t have to think on how someone has called him a dog because he is not one.. It’s the other persons problem who just called him a dog .. the more he got into the depths of this realisation, the more he couldn’t stop laughing at being called a dog and in turn all that revenge and anger disappeared .. He just walked away from the whole situation saying .. May he be blessed with clarity of thoughts ..

Diving into this story, we are called so many things by so many people at so many instances and now if we start thinking about each one of them or even one of them as to he said be this to me and she said this about me.. it doesn’t really work .. One of the finest work that a human has is to talk and to express what he feels without the liability to hold that exact same expression and feeling forever ..

People grow. People change. So do their likes, dislikes, thoughts and feelings .. hence, for every thought of someone else towards you, you can’t be tying yourself down to either prove or disprove it .. Like everything else, you got to let it pass and work on your own self in whatever capacity and time that you are blessed with ..

Hence, next time on, when someone says something that’s insulting or abusive, rather than reacting with how dare he/she?! Pause, laugh and work on your inner light and make it shine bright ❤️

Judgements. Social Media.

I became friends with one of the neighbours on Facebook and the first thing the neighbour asked my mother was whether everything was fine about my relationship? She could not find photos of me and my partner on my wall posts hence it was a ‘but obvious’ thing to ask out of concern.

It then drew me to the fact that how much of judgement of who you are goes around due to your social media posts? The answer is A LOT. I remember I have been asked about my relationship status by another old school friend of mine when I added him to my friends list. He then gave me a free piece of advice to put more and more photos of me with my partner so that the world gets to know how happy we are together and to make a statement that everything is fine as far as my relationship status is concerned.

I don’t have a problem with people promoting their love on social media and neither do I have an issue with people like me not talking about my love on social media. I do not base my opinions on someone’s personal space based on their social media shares and neither do I judge them for they don’t share.

I thought perhaps I missed the biggest point as to why social media gained prominence in the first place. I always thought it was to connect and to share, not to promote my life and especially open up my personal space to the outer world. I should be allowed to breathe in my own little space when I can because I won’t be able to share anything if I am clouded by judgements on what I should do and shouldn’t do to be branded as ‘normal’ by the society.

This then brought me to a fairly interesting idea that are we humans in general like this? Are we literally drawn into the pain of others rather than their no-pain zones of life? Is it because showing sympathy comes more naturally than empathy? I don’t have these answers but I like the questions nevertheless.

 

My life. From min to Max.

I walked in to the tea room in a green tee and a torn pair of jeans, a guy dressed in a business suit got up and greeted me. 

He had a book in his hand, Roots by Alex Haley.

Surprised and happy, I blurted out loudly – You read Haley?! 

He lowered his eyes and neatly placed the book on the table, looked up at me and said – I don’t read at all, sadly. 

I was just trying to find out why you like and talk about this book so blatantly 

I didn’t really know what to say because no one dared or even cared to ask me to reason, up until that point in life.

Perplexed, settled in! 

We sat down and he ordered tea 

Not one or two but 10 cups of different teas

I thought he’s mad but he had heard from his mother that I was a blue blood tea addict 

Keeping up with my pace and fondness for tea 

Max drank 7 cups hesitantly 

I was a bit shocked at his tea drinking spell 

I knew he would feel very unwell 

But I guess what I didn’t understand then 

Was that he drank to just be with me; this saga continued ever since! 

As it was time to go home, he got up and hugged me 

And as I was about to leave 

He asked if he could come along! 

I said he could but he was too formally dressed 

He looked at himself and then me and said 

I don’t have torn jeans, I could tear them if you want 

I laughed and said yeah why not, if you are that desperate to be with me 

That’s how we go ahead, cutting jeans irrespective of your desires

I was going to meet my friend Emma and I took Max along 

I got them introduced and left 

When I got back the next day, I realised he was seduced 

I couldn’t stop laughing because I knew he was insane 

All I wanted to know if he had any plans in his heart and mind to be vain 

His seductions stories, well, let’s not go there, but just for the record, I know them all 

Hang on! Let me confess, they weren’t happy at all. 

Max’s seduction was high on emotions that ran deep in another human’s mind 

He worked with empathy and left very little onto the divine 

He knew that if he left Emma, she would commit suicide

Probably it would have been alright then because that’s exactly how their life unfolded in time. 

From a business suit to a torn jeans,

I even got him into eating greens 

His mother and my friend, Meera, would always thank me 

For turning her son into a human that she had failed at miserably 

Max taught me how to drive a limousine 

And when I had my first accident he paid my hospital bills smilingly 

Everyone has a best man at their wedding

For him, I had to dress up in a suit and speak at his 

He even taught me how to play football 

He was the one, let me confess, who broke my knee because he kicked me hard 

It might sound disgusting if I say 

Max used to wet my tees every other day 

I wish his tears never dried away 

I wish I understood at that time his inherent need to hug me and cry at random sways 

Life moved on and so did we

We ended up having 6 individuals between us, you see 

Not because he was unfaithful or disrespecting towards my friend, Emma 

But because he was loving and caring beyond earthly means 

Kiya and Buno are amazing souls, I am sure you all can see 

They have been Max’s lifeline through his darkest days, I am sure all of you would agree 

Our little rendezvous still occurred at regular intervals and at odd hours 

At times people have seen me sleeping me in his office while he was stuck being self sour

Rumours have done the rounds that me and him were having a thing!

Of course we were right from the day we exchanged rings 

Max and I bought out first diamond together 

The truth is, he bought his and I paid for mine, irrespective of the hour 

We have never helped each other financially and neither have we paid each other’s bills 

We have rather held each other close, tightly beyond gods will 

Did I know that Max was unwell and did he know that I was too? 

Yes. We did. 

I have been with Max to his doctors and he has been with me to mine. 

We did hide the facts through time.

Not because we didn’t want anyone to know but because 

Max didn’t want anyone to stress out of their mind

We have carefully piled each of our books, one on top of other 

Because only we know how attachment works in this world 

Beyond time, space, relations and hour 

Now that Max is gone, I am all on my own 

I have no friend and no longer do I know what it feels like to be owned. 

If Max is listening, which I hope he is from somewhere up in the clouds, 

He should smile rather than cry at my skills to keep our life story lyrical and just about intact. 

To the rest of you who have seen us and been with us through years

I would like to reassure you that I am around 

Like I have always been to cover up for Max’s long lost skills. 

But tomorrow, when I leave this very ground 

I want you to remember us, if you at all care, as friends who never breathed a word of mistrust. 

This is, perhaps the only thing that made us so unique than everyone else we ever knew

We learnt trust and practiced it on each other as days grew.

As I step out of this room today, I want you to know in your hearts 

Max and I loved each of you more than we have ever ever expressed 

And of course, trust, that’s what I leave you with, as a part of Max’s human legacy 

Your trust in him was as important to him as much as his own breath through his weak spleen. 

As I come to the end of my allotted time to bore you, 

I am going to leave you with one line that Max said to me from his death bed ..

‘I have lived my life, I didn’t just exist. I owe it to you and to everyone else’ 

My friend. In pain. 

‘In pain and in suffering, I’ll be there for you’
I had said it once! 

Little did I know that 10 years on she would call with a statement ‘I am terrible. Did you hear that, I am a terrible terrible human.’

It was hard to hear her cry over phone,

It was hard to explain anything to her.

All I could gather that she was made to feel pathetic and she was torn apart. 

The world that she was a part of convinced her that she wasn’t theirs from the end to the start.

I couldn’t comprehend her pain,

I couldn’t convince her otherwise,

When she felt her integrity was scrutinised.

She spoke at length and I heard in silence,

I kept repeating that she was in denial.

She didn’t seem to hear me right,

Instead she declared to me that she was completely unfit to fight with life. 

I will always miss you, my dear friend. 

I trusted time and I thought we had enough

Somehow I believed we could meet and chat even though wake hours were tough 

I knew I had a lot to tell you and I knew you had a lot to share 

Of life and broken veins 

Of trust and undefined pain 

Somehow I got it all wrong. 

Your last breath took you real far 

My friend in you, died with your body car 

I can play pretend and repeat a thousand times 

That I know your soul will live with me till my last cry 

But I also know that it will be a lie 

I misjudged the time I had, to see the physical you, to meet, chat and weave few more dreams through 

Now that I have lost you, 

I sit back and think 

Our memories are all that I have to hold onto as I let your absence sink 

I know that time is one big healer of pain 

I so wish I had used it wisely; to weave pieces of our life story than to contemplate after you are gone, in vain. 

I will always miss you, my dear friend. 

a friend that I miss! 

I was 20. You were 10.

The minute I heard your mother on radio, I knew you were my friend. 

I wrote to the presenters, I wrote to the channel. 

They never wrote back, my letters went into a dead tunnel.

I searched for you everywhere. 

You have been in my thoughts since. 

Only I knew, the dance steps that brought you to life, gave me peace within. 

I wasn’t the diagnosed one, you were, unfortunately. 

They termed your illness critical and said it had no chance of recovery. 

I prayed for you in every single dream of mine since; 

I still hope to meet you in person, someday, somehow, deep within. 

I know you don’t know me, I don’t know you as an individual. 

What I do know is that my prayers have your name on them and so does each of my breathing cell. 

I hope you have made it through these years because somewhere in me, I hold a belief .. to see the beautiful time tested and survived individual that you must have become! 
In hope. 

In gratitude. 

In prayers. 
I miss you, my young unseen friend with a disease that I can’t name!

to A Friend of Mine ..

I’m not the best of people around and neither am I the perfect friend to have!

I’m flawed at many levels and I’ve hidden act.

I’vent been the best listener when you needed one and neither have I been oratory fun!

I’ve been busy in my own world when perhaps you needed a hug.

In my mind, I did admit that I was all wrong until I received your message that read you love me for I’ve been your prettiest song! 🙂

Not very lyrical and certainly not melodious but am glad we sailed through life beyond what’s termed ‘cyclical’.