I live in a world.

I live in a world where robbing individuals of their innocence and space is not a crime.

I live in a world where an entire country gets wiped off the map because of war and it is fine.

I live in a world where liars get applauded on stage; trials get ruled by money not by content.

I live in a world where your house, car and travels provide you a social status; not your individuality or rigour.

I live in a world where non scholar videos and articles feed your brain not books or research.

I live in a world where honesty, trust and love are fashionable in text not for real.

I live in a world where no one has patience to chase truth through the path less travelled and known.

I live in a world where propagandas are massive and issues are huge.

I live in a world where I, like millions, no longer know what living means anymore.

The Image. Dominates?

It should be fine to hold onto your own opinions and rights in presence of opposition and conflict. However, seems that these days people love to be right and correct all the time and their way to deal with conflict is to erase, to ban and block them. Erase, ban and block not the conflict or the opinion but the individual.

My question then is what do you block eventually? Do you block the negatives because of the fear that it could perhaps damage your image? or do you ban the negatives that are not in line with your own hidden agenda of accumulating praises because it can influence the flow of accolades negatively?

It should be all right to be able to defend your position given the negatives that your opinions draws because at the end of the day, opinions are not facts. One single fact can give rise to either a strong positive opinion or a strong negative opinion and can also have no opinion whatsoever. And none of those opinions have any impact on the underlying fact. Hence, where is the need to ban, to erase or to block?

With the rise in the tendency to block, ban and wiping out voices that do not match our own, we are spreading everything but love and are tempting more and more voices to be in line with us. What gives us the right to believe in the fact that even our own voice is not a conditioned one?

This then leads us to believe that each time you block an opposing voice, you are indirectly pushing masses towards the same conditions as you, both in terms of thoughts and actions. In other words, in order to protect the image that you have of you or the image that you would like others to hold of you, you are willing to choose the option of wiping out voices and opinions than addressing them.

Although, this is one of the growing trends in the world that we live in. Wipe out, block and ban rather than address the contradiction with humility and in knowledge. Either way, our own human history tells us that wiping out has never helped humanity in any form or feature; whereas sharing and debating has.

I don’t think we are at a point where we need to be right. We are surely at a point where we need to show more compassion and love the indifference that is thrown at our opinions and at our being because that is the only way we can grow and perhaps even slide away the image masks that we swear at in person but still wear in all seasons.

 

And then there was me.

It would be crazy and stupid to expect someone to observe me. Silently. Unless, of course, I am in a hospital bed or coma. In life, I mean, it would be crazy to expect someone to observe me and not speak a word or express concern or speak behind me or discuss me or ridicule me or praise me. Hence, after a lot of thought and accepting defeat in finding someone outside of me, I decided to observe me.

I was inevitably in hate and a complete dislike had covered me from all possible angles when I started as an observer. I could find tons and thousands of flaws and I could never reason my behaviour. Who triggered what and why it get triggered and not that and how was I to know and what was I to act or not act.. I found myself drowning in a pool of uncertainty about being me.

I gave up. So much so for being an observer; I thought well let me be the one in the crowd and let people judge. I don’t need to observe me. I couldn’t sustain.

I had to come back to observe me. This time I decided not to pass any judgement, not to mingle with the thoughts and not to speak. I would simply observe.

I was the best of writers one day. I was the worst of friend the other day. I was the best student one day. I was the worst daughter the next. I was the beautiful partner one evening and I was the worst companion the next. I oscillated.

The space stayed the same. Just as I discovered my capabilities to scream my heart out at someone, I discovered my unique abilities to love. I discovered that I could sustain anger to a point of revenge and I could love to a point of suffocation. I learnt that as much as I enjoyed reading, I did hesitate to share. I also discovered that I had no problems in holding onto my own biases in the face of threat.

As the months turned into years, the observer got a chair. The comfort of an observers’ chair just knew to love, to laugh and to accept. I, then, was left with just a plain and simple choice of living the life being me. Being the observer me 😊

Abuse. End.

When I first asked this prostitute in Sonagachi, why didn’t she raise her voice against abuse, she said to me that she couldn’t because she is a prostitute and has to deal with it. I resigned to the fact that perhaps ‘abuse’ is driven by profession. Maybe if she was qualified enough, she would raise her voice against the abuse that she has been subjected to, is what I thought to myself ..

Years later when I asked myself the same question as to why didn’t I raise my voice against the mental and physical abuse that I was subjected to in my own personal space; I realised that education plays no role in raising your voice against anything 😊 Well, I am far more educated than most people on planet earth but I chose to suffer silently than raise my voice.

To suffer, perhaps came pretty naturally to me because maybe somewhere I started believing that I deserved to be abused. Maybe this is when my educated mind took a backseat and boy! It’s been seating at the back for way too long 🤣🤣🤣 I doubt that I have ever loved that back bench in life while I was being given all that education on rights and life but clearly when life happened to me, I comfortably chose the back seat and suffered.

It took me a real long time to open up to my own self and to accept that I was being abused and that I didn’t deserve it 😊 The next thing I needed to do was to either let it continue or put an end to it. This part was where I struggled massively because I was used to it and then suddenly getting in that unknown zone was pretty daunting and of course, I was skeptical of everything and everyone by this time of life.

By this time, mistrust and self doubt were my best friends. I had a strong pull towards putting a stop to this in order to breathe without fear. And I took the long unimaginable nine years to shout my lungs out and say I have had enough of this.

Hence, as I come to the end of 2017, I have a massive learning to share that to recognise the fact that you are being abused might take a while, accepting it might take even longer but then putting an end to it or to carry on with it shouldn’t take you your entire life! And of course, the fear of the unknown will always be there, but then once you stand facing your own fears, I guess a path is bound to appear ❤️

I wish you all, a very best 2018 and an abuse free, humiliation free 2018 in every form and in every space of your being ❤️❤️❤️

Girls .. 

If I could tell you that one thing that I realised quite late in life,

It is to live in the heart than to live in the mind.

While the world might insist that mind is far stable;

I would still say that heart is the space that is love abled.

To walk through life, you wouldn’t need someone’s thoughts,

You would need a faith in you that you could walk.

As time passes, you will learn a lot,

You will grow, fight, fend and talk.

Through it all you would need to be loved,

To feel, always let faith and belief have you wrapped up.

You wouldn’t need someone’s knowledge to build your own, 

Neither would you grow in someone’s shadow or live in someone’s drone.

Keep the mind far far away because most battles have happened due to mind’s disparity with it’s crave.

Stay in the heart, keep others in it too;

To build a better world, for all of us, this is the least that we can all do.

And being a girl, this should come easy,

Read it in books that our brain is blessed with wires running differently; 

Thus be always guided by your own intuitive connectivity. 

Count the blessings not in form of materials, money or power; and may you always strive to give more than you acquire.

Like attracts like, trust me, very few will admit that to you;

Hence, be the magnet of love and sew. 

International Day of the Girl Child ❤️ 

October 11, 2017.

Broken. 

Her signatures didn’t match, neither did her cards work 

Heels hurt her ankles; and the back zip made her uncomfortable

She stood patiently looking at her watch 

She was hoping something, somehow would tick in the clock 

The minutes turned to hours and hours into a day

Her routine of waiting never changed its way 

Righteousness never flowed in through the passage of her door 

She never knew what it would be if life had been tuned not abhorred

Perhaps destiny, is what she consoled her heart of!

Maybe the winds were listening to her in disgust and moved on 

Patience gave into pretence; circles reduced to dots 

Brokenness defined itself through her unnerving faith and trust.

Why?! 

When a child is born, the umbilical chord is cut by someone, he is cleaned up by someone, he is wrapped up by someone and he is fed by someone. He, is dependent on everyone around; he trusts everyone around; he is a part of them and they are a part of him. To him, they are all part of the same ‘life’. Trust, faith, love and being take care of comes as part and parcel of his very entity. Right after he is born, he places his trust in everyone without knowing his relationship to them, without knowing what work they do professionally, without knowing how much money they have or how much money he has. He is born a human and he comes with his basic rights of trusting humans for being human and for making him one of them in time, through what they all share, ‘life’ 🙂 

Then why through the years, these very core rights of his on humans needs to be earned back?! Why does he doubt intentions of others?! Why does he think twice and even thrice or several times before loving another human?! Why his vision of ‘trust’ gets restricted?! Why?! 

Life, never said to the soul that was born that ‘go and earn money, earn a name for yourself’.. Instead life said, ‘go and live me. Live me well.’ .. And ‘live well’ took into materials so deeply that the very core of his rights as a human, on other humans and on life itself, got blurred. 

Why would trusting another human beyond relationships be so hard?! Why would loving another human beyond defined boundaries be hard?! These are what we were born with, these are what we are made of! So why would we bring and build other humans differently?!