It’s natural. To have a child. To reproduce. Humans making humans. There isn’t anything abnormal in this. Institutions such as marriage, relationship status’s, emotions such as love and all others walk in, surround and play their respective roles in making another human but it’s all so very natural. It is even said that birthing, the process itself take you deeper into your essence than any that you have ever been exposed to.
What is this intense and obsessive need associated with making another human? Perhaps it’s a wrong question to ask. Maybe it’s not need, it’s a desire. The strength of this desire might vary from human to human, circumstances to circumstances, bedroom to bedroom but the honesty that governs this desire never dies.
The questioning of capabilities, the doubts on status’s and the breaking of rule books often leads one to ask one fundamental question – do you want to feel what it means to be a mother at all?
The set of responsibilities, the changing paradigms of self, the fine threads of bonds that you seldom took notice of, everything perhaps changes meanings and hands once you become a mother. Hence, even more crucial than the desire is to know what you feel from your core?
Time and again people have expressed sadness over not being able to be parents, expressed great determination and passion for choosing not to have a child; probably each one of them is right and holds a validity in their own space and time. The bigger question that goes unmasked is this, isn’t it the feeling that runs all these desires that we put on the front and choose not to answer?
When you do get fo the space of answering a question as blunt as this, why don’t you feel like having a child? Or why do you feel like having a child? The answers would themselves find their anchors in your life. Perhaps then you wouldn’t want to even talk about this because healing from the brokenness that’s within, is hard to hold and to pretend.
Defying the natural laws, compromises and adjustments, we all more or less know what they mean. What we need to go back to is to feel what it makes us feel. To be a mother doesn’t necessarily equate to being related to someone in blood; to be a mother perhaps means to be responsible to who you are in your feelings when the odds are low.