Something that I had heard ..

I’m pretty sure I heard this story from my most favourite monk, Ajahn Brahm at some point in life but I can’t really give you a reference in form of a link or his book or talk .. but I want to write something that draws on from what he had said ..

He said (as far as I remember) that once someone called someone a dog.. The person got very angry and felt really insulted and wanted to take revenge .. that how can this random person call me a dog ..

The very next minute, a strange realisation set in and he sat down to look at himself .. He didn’t have a tail, neither did he bark, didn’t even have 4 legs .. He wasn’t a dog, he was a human. So he started laughing and realised that it is not his problem or that he doesn’t have to think on how someone has called him a dog because he is not one.. It’s the other persons problem who just called him a dog .. the more he got into the depths of this realisation, the more he couldn’t stop laughing at being called a dog and in turn all that revenge and anger disappeared .. He just walked away from the whole situation saying .. May he be blessed with clarity of thoughts ..

Diving into this story, we are called so many things by so many people at so many instances and now if we start thinking about each one of them or even one of them as to he said be this to me and she said this about me.. it doesn’t really work .. One of the finest work that a human has is to talk and to express what he feels without the liability to hold that exact same expression and feeling forever ..

People grow. People change. So do their likes, dislikes, thoughts and feelings .. hence, for every thought of someone else towards you, you can’t be tying yourself down to either prove or disprove it .. Like everything else, you got to let it pass and work on your own self in whatever capacity and time that you are blessed with ..

Hence, next time on, when someone says something that’s insulting or abusive, rather than reacting with how dare he/she?! Pause, laugh and work on your inner light and make it shine bright ❤️

Equality. Really?

If equality is what we seek and that’s what is the call of the hour, then where are the stories on women abusing women and women abusing men, when they are in power?!

I find it extremely difficult to live with the fact that each time a woman is abused by a man, the entire globe feels a need to come together and raise an alarm. But where is the same globe and it’s alarm when a woman is abused by another one from the same gender?! And even worse, where are the men who are victims of abuse by women in power?!

Just as all men aren’t saints, all women aren’t saints either. And then when we do get down to getting it all equal, then why aren’t we talking about the abuse that happens right in families, starting with women and other women being silent spectators of it?! Why aren’t we tagging and naming the women who have gone behind to ruin careers of other women at work?! Why aren’t we talking about women who have abused other women at every given point in their house and in social circles?!

If a man checking out a woman counts as an ‘assault’ then a woman checking out a woman too should be counted as an assault. Not all women check out other women out of compassion and sisterhood. Mostly, it is to compare, discard and to judge. So then, if equality is what we seek, let us seek it completely and entirely .. This partial seeking of an equal world where I am a woman and therefore all men are self centred bastards won’t really work.

Celebrity link ups / break ups. 

This Hrithik-Kangana case is fairly interesting. If I bring them down to being two plain individuals and not the celebrities that they are; just as two random individuals, then this forms the basis of what I am going to write next.

Why does it have to be a damsel in distress and a monster man?! Why?! Why does it have to be a powerful man and a not so powerful woman?! Relationships between humans happen all the time. Some last long, some don’t. Some bring out the best in you; some bring out the worst in you. Like a heartbeat, relationships too are conditioned to both the genes and the environment.

There’s no big deal in having sex with whoever you fancy because sex itself is mechanical and is overrated in a relationship. Sex, on its own doesn’t make or break a relation; similarly, promises of marriage or promises of any kind don’t make or break a relation either.

Whether you allow yourself to be an object in any relationship, is a call that you take and a choice that you make depending on your own conditions and circumstances. Like for example (my favourite example), in Sonagachi, a sex worker doesn’t exercise her right in choosing her customer; its money driven. A sex worker’s entire focus, even while she is in the act, is on the money that she’s going to get and her plans for her future. Similarly when you allow yourself to be an user in any relationship, that’s also a call and choice that you make based on your conditions. Like no one can stop anyone in this very world to not have an affair or not to go to a sex worker. It’s like can you stop those men trading women in Sonagachi or can you stop them from abusing or using women?! No. It’s their call, their choice based and hugely driven on and by their conditions.

In a world where on one hand, I have known and seen young girls, as young as 5 years old being sold under a broad umbrella of glittery promises and stability; I find it hard to even read through a woman’s complaints and accusations around promises and uses; especially from a woman who is well established, is educated and is financially capable to earn her bread and butter. More than that, I am disgusted by the media for labelling her as a role model as someone who has spoken her mind and stood up against injustice.

Injustice?! Sleeping with someone by choice and not forcibly is no injustice. Partying with someone by choice and not forcibly is no injustice. Even if all those hanging, kissing and making out were under some kind of a ‘promise’ umbrella, that didn’t work out the way one expected it to be, none of it gives the right to call out words like ‘rape’ or ‘cheat’ or ‘injustice’.

All it does go to show and to learn is this that in this very world, what goes around comes around. The only person that you owe is you and no one else. So when you set out choosing from the vector of choices, you get some right and some are not so right. None of that gives you the right to turn around and be a role model for a man or a woman. None of that gives you the right to play the woman card or the man card either because truth is, you still sit on a broader couch with the right to choose whereas ‘abuse’ is a lot silent and is dealt with in isolation and silence, not through long media interviews or posts.

I keep reading so many opinions on empowerment all the time. I keep reading so many posts that question rituals and find religions baseless. I find it extremely sad and disgraceful that no one has the time and the energy to go and study the roots on which these rituals and beliefs were set up. Most people tend to question the derived versions of the truth and they are also the same ones who mock it, who disregard it too.

Imagine someone waking up in the year 2080 and finding walking on roads to be the most stupid act that humans can possibly do. But natural, by then flying would be so obvious that walking would appear stupid. Think about it, is walking really crazy?! It does serve a purpose to this body that we all live in though!

Hence, while most of us are happy thinking and praising our own egos on how much of a voice, opinion, troll and media coverage we have and get; truth is, it’s all based on derived knowledge. If one literally spends that much of his or her wake time in engaging with and in the real knowledge, one wouldn’t have time and also wouldn’t be interested in indulging or entertaining opinions or judgements of humans around.. Because the more you know, the deeper your desire for silence and stillness is.

And to end this super long post of mine, which I don’t even know why I wrote, but I’ll leave it here saying that it’s about time we move beyond the gender and societal definitions of ‘respect’, ‘status’ and ‘positions’ cards for each of us, with each of us. Turn around and count the number of things and people you love for who they are barring everything! Even if there’s one, you’re human indeed.

Abuse. End.

When I first asked this prostitute in Sonagachi, why didn’t she raise her voice against abuse, she said to me that she couldn’t because she is a prostitute and has to deal with it. I resigned to the fact that perhaps ‘abuse’ is driven by profession. Maybe if she was qualified enough, she would raise her voice against the abuse that she has been subjected to, is what I thought to myself ..

Years later when I asked myself the same question as to why didn’t I raise my voice against the mental and physical abuse that I was subjected to in my own personal space; I realised that education plays no role in raising your voice against anything 😊 Well, I am far more educated than most people on planet earth but I chose to suffer silently than raise my voice.

To suffer, perhaps came pretty naturally to me because maybe somewhere I started believing that I deserved to be abused. Maybe this is when my educated mind took a backseat and boy! It’s been seating at the back for way too long 🤣🤣🤣 I doubt that I have ever loved that back bench in life while I was being given all that education on rights and life but clearly when life happened to me, I comfortably chose the back seat and suffered.

It took me a real long time to open up to my own self and to accept that I was being abused and that I didn’t deserve it 😊 The next thing I needed to do was to either let it continue or put an end to it. This part was where I struggled massively because I was used to it and then suddenly getting in that unknown zone was pretty daunting and of course, I was skeptical of everything and everyone by this time of life.

By this time, mistrust and self doubt were my best friends. I had a strong pull towards putting a stop to this in order to breathe without fear. And I took the long unimaginable nine years to shout my lungs out and say I have had enough of this.

Hence, as I come to the end of 2017, I have a massive learning to share that to recognise the fact that you are being abused might take a while, accepting it might take even longer but then putting an end to it or to carry on with it shouldn’t take you your entire life! And of course, the fear of the unknown will always be there, but then once you stand facing your own fears, I guess a path is bound to appear ❤️

I wish you all, a very best 2018 and an abuse free, humiliation free 2018 in every form and in every space of your being ❤️❤️❤️

It’s all so very confusing.

I’ve been thinking 🤔 and I’m confused but then I do want to write out my confusion too 😆 Who knows! Perhaps by writing it out, I might just make some sense of it myself ..

When the *Me Too* campaign hit the web, I first woke thinking, is this really happening?! After a while, when the dust settled, I sat down with my cup of coffee and realised that in all these past years that I have been a part of this world, I haven’t heard of a single individual who hasn’t been a victim of abuse. Here, I am referring to abuse in every sense. Not just sexual. Men are abused; Women are abused; Children are abused. Most of the abuses happen in house. The list of fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters is not an exclusive list but clearly it is an exhaustive one by its very nature. Then joining them are family friends and other extended relatives of the family. And of course then we have strangers, friends, colleagues and just people of the society.

Why am I abused?! Is perhaps not the right question to ask. What are you leaving me with by doing this?! Is perhaps a slightly better version of it. More often than not, the answer to the latter one is unknown to the doer and the receiver is left in void for life.

A large portion of human life goes away in not knowing who you are, who do you belong to and what you are. A large portion of this very life goes unacknowledged. The deeper the sense of insecurity to who I am, the higher are the chances of masks and facades to be that someone who I think I am. A complete lack of validation of the ‘you’ that everyone refers to, beyond your own cognitions then leads you to make another believe that it is this ‘you’ that is powerful, it is this ‘you’ that is lovable, it is this ‘you’ that is humble and kind and it is this ‘you’ who can do whatever ‘you’ want.

On reflection, perhaps, the pain and hurt that resides in you, is what you wish to put out there in someone else who is not ‘you’. To make them feel what you feel unknowingly. To make them bow down to your ego that resides in a higher plane than theirs in you. Because think of it, if you are really happy, in a space where you belong to you, you wouldn’t need to force anyone for anything. Rather, you wouldn’t even want to bother with people in any space whatsoever.

Hence, I think, the next time something goes a miss and I want to scream my heart out and tell off someone, I would pause and reflect .. What I am telling the other, is perhaps what I need to hear. What I am about to do to others, is perhaps what I need to do to my own self. What I need others to be to me, is perhaps what I need to be to me.

My guess is that this pause might just help me and keep me safe from getting in that ‘abusive space’ ❤️

Use and abuse 

Since when has body become so important?

That you need to feel powerful by using others’ to prove?

The constant tussle between use and abuse 

Has crossed all lines, broken all barriers of refuse. 

The terms keep changing sheets; it’s money, I am told 

Someone pointed it out, they are poor and hence they sold.

Sold the person, sold the child; sold the body by cutting all ties. 

Did you not think even for once, that the requirements of each and every body is limited to a few rising suns?

You have to get into the same earth as the body you ruined, 

There’s no denying truth to the eternity that you cease to have never understood. 

Then why use and abuse another body just for fun? 

When the laws of nature get to you; clearly there isn’t a better ground for you to run. 

Her first chocolate. 

I could have bought her, her first chocolate 

I so wanted to buy 

But something in me stopped me;

instead I left it to her father 

who wanted to wrap her chocolate in a ‘sorry’ paper 

When I met him, he was upset 

His abuse towards his daughter 

Was killing him deep inside ..

While we spoke, calm made its way in 

By the time I was to leave ..

He wanted to buy her a chocolate and head back home 

I wanted to offer to buy that chocolate for her 

To a daughter who was perhaps unknowingly abused by her father .. 

I wanted her to know that he hasn’t been in a right frame of mind ..

Ever since he left home pretending to break the ties that bind.