I recently had an Instagram fit. I decided to go over my past photos and add a bunch of them to my Instagram account. I realised that over time, I have bought so much stuff online from small shop owners and self employed creative artists that I haven’t ever turned back to share my joy with their creations. I mean, I did write a little ‘thank you’ note to each of them personally when I have received my stuff from them but I haven’t shared the compliments and more importantly, I haven’t acknowledged the fact that I have been complimented way too many times because of their designs and their creations. The best place that I could think of sharing my photos was Instagram; so I logged on and possibly I bombarded every single one who follows me with my postings recently 😬 Guilty but it felt nice to having acknowledged each one of them.
After all this, something hit me hard. Very hard. The likes and follows started hitting me. Not that I have hit some major breakthrough in terms of my followers or likes; but the spontaneity of it, did bother me. The hashtags bothered me. In short, everything bothered me about my own photos on that public space.
I realised that my struggle began and ended within me. The point of my struggle was with the share. Why would anyone be interested in knowing who I am, what I wore to where and when? Why would anyone follow me either? But on the other hand, I did want to share what I did wear and who I wore to what.
I could, if I try hard enough, intellectualise my share under the ‘acknowledgment’ cover of the artists / small shop owners. But is it even true? Do they really need my acknowledgement? Or is it that, at a deeper level, I am seeking an approval of acceptance of what I wore, who I wore and where I wore what? I don’t know. A deeper part in me does acknowledge that it is this instant gratification and acceptance that drove me insane on Instagram but a denial mode of me says – hey, this’s alright.. We all share.. it’s a space to share!