The unrealistic expectation of a run.

It’s actually pretty simple. It’s just simply running. You will have your own pace and your own rhythm. Don’t have to see or follow what others are doing, just go with your own self and get it done. 
After a series of long and short conversations, when I actually got down to run, I couldn’t run. I wish I could call it a runner’s block similar to a writer’s block. A crucial examination of my own body led me to believe that I probably have bad legs and horrible knees but then I am not a trained medic to conclude on this so confidently. Could it be that I was just looking for a bodily excuse to make myself believe that I can’t run at all?! Not could it be, it actually was. I was looking for a bodily excuse to not run at all. 

My expectations from my own self on running had exceeded every single parameter that I have ever held close to when it came to sports. Even squashing the 5k under 45 minutes was when I realised I could actually do everything that I set my heart to. But then after all these months, getting my heart and mind in that one space was a struggle in itself. More than the body that I could literally push to run, it was me telling my own self on how I can’t run. 

The knowledge surrounding running didn’t come handy today and neither did all these weeks of training with pros made me feel any better. What I missed most was my own heart believing that I could run. Even though my mind could structure a thousand positive thoughts, I let that doubt creep in, a little belief that perhaps I am not good enough to do this. And no matter what levels and depths of positive self talk I indulged in, the result was pretty clear. I didn’t get it because I didn’t have my heart in it. 

So while expectations might just act as a function of the mind and the thoughts, to me it seems it’s a convoluted function of the heart. While the thoughts and theory might point you towards the sky, if your heart isn’t in it, everything’ll be as good as your first try. 

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