I’ve been thinking 🤔 and I’m confused but then I do want to write out my confusion too 😆 Who knows! Perhaps by writing it out, I might just make some sense of it myself ..
When the *Me Too* campaign hit the web, I first woke thinking, is this really happening?! After a while, when the dust settled, I sat down with my cup of coffee and realised that in all these past years that I have been a part of this world, I haven’t heard of a single individual who hasn’t been a victim of abuse. Here, I am referring to abuse in every sense. Not just sexual. Men are abused; Women are abused; Children are abused. Most of the abuses happen in house. The list of fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters is not an exclusive list but clearly it is an exhaustive one by its very nature. Then joining them are family friends and other extended relatives of the family. And of course then we have strangers, friends, colleagues and just people of the society.
Why am I abused?! Is perhaps not the right question to ask. What are you leaving me with by doing this?! Is perhaps a slightly better version of it. More often than not, the answer to the latter one is unknown to the doer and the receiver is left in void for life.
A large portion of human life goes away in not knowing who you are, who do you belong to and what you are. A large portion of this very life goes unacknowledged. The deeper the sense of insecurity to who I am, the higher are the chances of masks and facades to be that someone who I think I am. A complete lack of validation of the ‘you’ that everyone refers to, beyond your own cognitions then leads you to make another believe that it is this ‘you’ that is powerful, it is this ‘you’ that is lovable, it is this ‘you’ that is humble and kind and it is this ‘you’ who can do whatever ‘you’ want.
On reflection, perhaps, the pain and hurt that resides in you, is what you wish to put out there in someone else who is not ‘you’. To make them feel what you feel unknowingly. To make them bow down to your ego that resides in a higher plane than theirs in you. Because think of it, if you are really happy, in a space where you belong to you, you wouldn’t need to force anyone for anything. Rather, you wouldn’t even want to bother with people in any space whatsoever.
Hence, I think, the next time something goes a miss and I want to scream my heart out and tell off someone, I would pause and reflect .. What I am telling the other, is perhaps what I need to hear. What I am about to do to others, is perhaps what I need to do to my own self. What I need others to be to me, is perhaps what I need to be to me.
My guess is that this pause might just help me and keep me safe from getting in that ‘abusive space’ ❤️